The Play’s the Thing

The Play’s the Thing is the theatre quest in The Witcher 3, and one of the most charming detours in the main story. To rescue Dandelion, Geralt needs the doppler Dudu, who is hiding somewhere in Novigrad in someone else’s skin. The plan to lure him out: put on a play about a doppler, so only he will recognise the message. And Geralt gets to play the witcher.

How to start The Play’s the Thing

The quest opens after Count Reuven’s Treasure or Get Junior, but you need to finish both to move it along. Talk to Priscilla at the Kingfisher Inn. It is a level 11 quest worth about 800 XP, plus extra XP and crowns depending on how well the show goes.

Writing the play

Priscilla writes the script, and Geralt chooses the title and the genre. The title is only cosmetic, but the genre matters: a comedy keeps the audience happy, while a drama ends in a riot that you have to fight your way out of.

Getting the show on the road

Take the script to Irina Renarde at the theatre (the ticket seller insists on 50 crowns, though you can also climb in over the roofs). Irina needs two things:

Ushers: the strongmen Sofus the Bull and Hal at the docks. Pay them 70 crowns, or bet 140 crowns on a two-against-one fistfight and get your money back if you win.
Advertising (optional): the jugglers called the Puffins in The Bits. They help if you deal with Fatso’s gang, and only a fight actually gets rid of them.

Casting and showtime

Geralt plays the witcher whatever you say. For the princess, Priscilla gives a slightly better reward than Irina. For the doppler, pick Abelard Rizza: Maxim Boliere shows up drunk. On stage you get timed dialogue choices. The correct lines are:

To slay beasts most foul…
Perhaps ’midst the guests…
Seems men’s hearts…
But a base heart…
No monster is he…

During the performance Geralt spots Dudu in the audience and pulls him onto the stage without blowing his cover, so the plan works however badly you act. Backstage, Dudu can briefly turn into Ciri, and with some persuasion from Zoltan he agrees to impersonate the late Caleb Menge to help free Dandelion.

Tips

Get every line right for a hidden bonus: a 10% discount with merchants in Novigrad. Note that they also pay you 10% less.
The best result (comedy, the Puffins, Priscilla and Abelard, all lines right) is worth an extra 360 XP and 160 crowns.
When Geralt bows at the end of the play, he does it the way he learned in Vizima.

Walkthrough

Talk to Priscilla at the Kingfisher Inn (use the back door if the front is locked). Pick a title and a genre (comedy or drama) for the play (300 XP).
Go to the theatre and buy a ticket for 50 crowns, or climb in over the roofs. Talk to Irina Renarde.
Go to the docks and hire Sofus the Bull and Hal: pay 70 crowns or bet 140 crowns on a fistfight.
Optional: find Fatso’s gang near the Puffins’ house in The Bits and fight them (knock out one and the rest flee). Talk to the Puffins (150 XP).
Return to Irina and choose the cast: Priscilla or Irina as the princess, Abelard Rizza or Maxim Boliere as the doppler.
Start the play and pick the correct lines: “To slay beasts most foul…”, “Perhaps ’midst the guests…”, “Seems men’s hearts…”, “But a base heart…”, “No monster is he…”.
If you chose drama, help Zoltan fight the rioting crowd.
Talk to Dudu in Irina’s room backstage (500 XP), then collect your pay from Irina.

Quest Consequences & Choices

Comedy keeps the crowd calm and earns 30 extra crowns. Drama starts a riot with real deaths. Casting Priscilla and Abelard, recruiting the Puffins and getting the lines right all raise the final reward, and a perfect performance gives a 10% price change with Novigrad merchants. Dudu joins the plan either way, leading to A Poet Under Pressure.